I think I understand now, why they say a girl will go for an asshole, a good-for-nothing, someone who doesn’t care for her and won’t treat her right.  Someone who doesn’t deserve her.

It’s not stupidity or shallowness, it’s a defense.

Because who cares if he leaves me in a week or a day - perhaps I’ll be sad for a time, but it doesn’t matter.  He’s not worth a single teardrop. He’ll be a joke in an hour, something to rant and laugh about to friends-

But I could never laugh about you.

And he could never hurt me as much as I’ve hurt myself by loving you.

This was a nice little experiment, wasn’t it?  Loving someone good. Someone I truly cared for.  Someone who deserved me.

It’s not your fault - never was and never will be but - I think I will go back to caring for assholes now.  Back to being shallow.

It hurts less.

I was so besotted
that I wrapped up my heart
in tin foil
and left it for you
on your doorstep

I used to go on dates
make up my face and
dress up all nice
because that’s what my mama
said the boys like

when he kissed my neck
and left a mark that said mine
I tried to rub it off
but I just made it more
red and raw

I ripped up the letter you wrote
buried it with the dog’s none
he just dug it up again
the rain melted the ink away
don’t worry I know what it says

I fell off my bike the other day
got a grin full of grit
and a few broken bones
better than a broken heart
at least I’m smiling